Birmingham Mail

Laura. Otherwise known affectionately as Wangers.

Or, to the less kind, the pointless waste of space that has spent more than half of the last 800-odd hours of Big Brother 2007 in bed.

BB bosses made a serious foul-up by choosing her as one of its housemates.

Remember where you read this first. Liam is going to win this summer's Big Brother.

I think his reaction to winning the £100 grand, the fact he wants to spend most of it on his family, his quiet and thoughtful chats with Nicky and his obvious disinterest/terror of Charley's increasingly desperate attempts to get his attention all make him a good contender for being in till the end. And he seems like a genuinely nice guy and thus a worthy winner.

WHEN Big Brother decides to play mind games then they do it on a grand scale ....a scale of £100,000 to be precise.

Just a few weeks into the show and already one of the housemates is a winner and the others think they have lost out on the chance of any dosh.

It was a thoroughly evil and devilish move and absolutely brilliant.

I'm usually quite polite when it comes to the older generation. I hold doors, I don't complain when they stop suddenly in front of you in the street and I even hold my temper when they get to the till and don't even have their purse anywhere near being open to pay for their goods.

But Carol is starting to rile me.

There's an old phrase which says some people could start an argument with themselves.

And it seems Charley is going out of her way to prove it in the Big Brother house.

Hopes can be quickly dashed.

Ask David Bentley next summer when the Euro 2008 squad is announced. Or Gordon the Gopher when Andi Peters unveiled his successor, Edd the Duck.

The chances of the Big Brother housemates actually nominating the exceptionally self-absorbed Seany less than a week after his oh-so-unspectacular entrance were always going to be slim.

AMID all the arguments between Ziggy and just about anyone else, we finally look like we're going to get a proper eviction night.

Carol, Tracy and Shabba-nam are all up for the chop. But can't we get rid of all three?

We've seen some gameplans in the Big Brother house over the years.

There's been Nasty Nick's notes, Victor's Jungle Cats and Craig's near imprisonment of Anthony. But it seems Sam and Amanda have opted for a new tactic.

They're going for silence to see them through to the final.

Emily's eviction seems to have split many BB fans. Make your judgement after reading the full transcript and let us know what YOU think.

Keeping her mouth shut was never one of Big Brother housemate Emily's strong points.

The super-bitch of the house even managed to upset mild-mannered male Ziggy and her big mouth also landed her in the first round of eviction nominations.

But now it seems the blonde bombsite has gone too far and a glib remark has led to her been marched out of the BB house at dawn.

It seems Emily has gone - and another race row is brewing.

There's been no official comment yet, but it seems she's used what is being described as a racist term.

If it does prove to be true, then good riddance.

Well an update has arrived - but Big Brother's being a tease.

All we're hearing from the BB website at the moment is:

The public vote this week between Emily and Shabnam has been suspended.

Hopes that they're both being booted out for being uber-stupid are unfounded (mainly because I just made them up).

Word reaches us that snobbylicious Emily has done a disappearing act.

No, we don't believe she's got lost in Charley's ego or disappeared up her own backside, but something is definitely going on. She was called into the diary room at 3.30am-ish this morning and hasn't been seen since.

To add to the mystery, the diary room is now out of bounds to other housemates and all details of voting lines have vanished from the Big Brother website.

More on this mystery as we get it.

PREPARE for the battle of the divas as Emily and Shabnam find themselves up for the boot in the Big Brother house.

Lone male Ziggy has clearly had enough of the constant bitching in the house and has targeted the two worst offenders.

Blonde ice maiden Emily has lost no opportunity in making the life of Chanelle a misery ... and Ziggy isn't happy.

There's not many ways you can upset women more than by taking away their hair straighteners.

But that's part of the punishment handed out after Shabnam (who is looking more and more like Coco the Clown by the hour) asked Ziggy to nominate her.

Does she really want to go? Of course not. It's plain obvious that her 'let me go so I can be famous' is contrived. It's reverse psychology at its very best.

I didn't much care for Ziggy when he entered the house.

It wasn't the fact he looked like Jonathan Morris or sounded like Cliff Richard, it was just his general love-himself-ness. But by clearly despising Charley as much as the outside world, he's gone up in my estimation.

And following his dinner for 12 it seems Shabnam (I'm the Queen of my road) could be up with Charley this week!

It's not often you say that the actual fabric of a Big Brother house is important to a house, but this year it might well be.

While many see to think the cooker (or the kewker as those increasingly irritating twins keep calling it) in the bedroom, the bath in the living room and the fridge in the garden is about upsetting people, if you scratch beyond the conflict card there could be a deeper meaning to it all.

By having things mixed up you could actually reduce tension in the house.

And they're off! The girls are in the house and BB is go, go, go!

But what about this year's housemates and what are the first impressions.

Well let's go through them and see what first impressions we can gain...

Okay, so we hedged our bets on the identity of the footballer's relative and we didn't get a local lass in there, but we did get the all-female house right.

But we're really gutted that Lauren Harries didn't make it. We can only assume she was valuing a silver platter from the mid-18th century.

Either that or she was shaving her back...

Round and round, watch the rumour mill swing.

The latest BB tale is that, for the first week at least, it'll be all ladies in the house with men to be thrown into the mix later in the series.

Claws and saucers of milk at the ready.

Forget Lauren Harries, word has reached us that the obligatory house totty will be a Brummie lass!

Fresh from gracing the pages of such esteemed publications as Zoo, FHM and Nuts (well done their campaign to get her in), it now seems Lucy James will be testing our intellects for the next however many weeks.

The national media have been setting tongues wagging as they try to guess the identity of the new Big Brother housemates.

Early reports from that there London village suggest we'll be seeing Manchester United winger Kieran Richardson's cousin, a member of the womens institute and a cleaner this year.

But it's the prospect of a former child prodigy which really worries me.

A restless night's sleep, thoughts racing through your mind, sweaty palms and an irrational desire to check the clock can only mean one thing - you're mad.

And yes, the wife has decided I'm clinically insane thanks to my inability to focus on anything beyond 8pm this very evening when Davina (minus bump for once) welcomes in the latest bunch of wannabes.

The squash game has been cancelled, dinner's being made early, the dog's had rohypnol put in her feed (only joking!) and the family have been told unless there's an above 75 per cent chance of death then phoning me post-8pm is out of the question.

I'm even avoided the British Soap Awards on ITV. Now that, my friends, is addiction!

With just a mere day to go before Big Brother begins again, debates are already raging over what crazy capers are likely to take place this year.

In the past the show's producers have been dragged over the coals for encouraging binge-drinking, violence and showing us George Galloway in a leotard.

But, bar a minor miracle, they'll never sink as low as Dutch television.