Things I found out over in dreary south London.
1. Crystal Palace FC is nowhere near Crystal Palace. It's about two miles away. Which in London means about a one hour drive away. In fact, a 500-yard journey in London normally means negotiating two mini-roundabouts, half-a-dozen speedbumps, one white van driver and a black cab mounting the kerb to avoid the 'Golf Sale' signs. And it takes one hour.
2. Simon Jordan is morphing into Ziggy from Big Brother.
3. Neil Warnock was time wasting in the final minutes. Deliberately ignoring the ball as it rolled past him during throw-ins on several occasions. Shame on you Neil.
4. London is not fit to stage the Olympics. The world's most over-rated city should hand over the torch to Paris immediately and save the British tax payer a lot of expense. It takes hours to get from A to B (see No1), the transport infrastructure was clearly designed and built by drunkards and London is about as aesthetically appealing as an Austin Allegro.
5. People in London do not know how to drive. It's no coincidence that British motor sport heroes Lewis Hamilton, Nigel Mansell, Colin McRae and Richard Burns were not Londoners. James Hunt was from nearby Cheam. And he was called Hunt the Shunt for a reason. The Highway Code might as well be printed in Greek as far as Londoners are concerned.
6. Neil Warnock and I share a birthday with Woody Allen and Bette Midler. I expect plenty of sympathy.
7. Albion fans - who on earth is 'Colin'? Ah...
8. The M40 is one of London's triumphs - especially the bit that says 'M40, North and Midlands'. Salvation in the form of Tarmac and white lines.
9. Never laugh at the Black Country or Birmingham accent again. There are 26 letters in the English alphabet, 25 in London. Once within the M25 boundaries, leave the 'H' behind and remember to pick it back up when you leave.